How To Cope When You Are Surrounded By Idiots

by: Ben Goode


Are the idiots in your life driving you crazy? Do you often feel like you are surrounded by idiots? Have you ever wondered if YOU are an idiot? Do the idiotic C.Y.A. instructions on the packaging of most products you buy these days make you feel like the world must think you are an idiot?

The following article contains lessons on stupidity. They cover things you should pretty much never do. There are many, many more lessons we could add, such as not floating face down in the septic tank or not applying your own tattoo with a wood burner and lead-based house paint, but these are normally material for a post-graduate stupidity course. You probably shouldn't attempt to comprehend these high-level concepts until you have mastered the more basic skills.

Experience has shown that the louder you yell the principle to the idiot pupil in question the better the procedure works. (OK, a little honesty here would probably be good. The truth is, shouting the lessons probably won't have much of an effect on the idiot, because as we all know, he/she is an idiot, but it will probably make you feel a little better).

Here are a few suggestions that could change your life if you are someone who is struggling with idiots in your life. If you are an idiot, try to find someone to read these principles to you and then apply them. If you are surrounded by idiots or if you have a loved one who has idiotic tendencies, you will probably want to teach these principles to the idiots in your life. You never know. It might just help.

1. You should never try to lick the bottom of the blender while the blades are still turning.
2. Never drink quarts of vinegar while eating boxes of baking soda.
3. Never clean up nitro-glycerin or unstable nuclear waste with a vacuum cleaner.
4. Never let friends hit you over the head with a baseball bat unless you are wearing a good helmet.
5. Never adjust your TV antenna during a lightening storm.
6. You shouldn't smoke while siphoning gasoline.
7. Don't microwave dynamite.
8. Never dry your hair with a blow torch.
9. Never pick your scabs while swimming with sharks.
10. Never hang glide during a hurricane.

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How and When To Make Humour at Work!

by: Lionel Estridge


A good laugh will do wonders for you as smiling and laughing lowers your stress levels, wins you a friendly reputation, and helps your usually tense co-workers and bosses to relax.

Humour on the job will do a lot for your career, but there are a number of things you need to know about laughter and humour in the place of work.

Feeling good and having humour in our lives can do wonders for our position and productivity, which means that there is definitely a place for some humour on the job. Having a smiling face will help your co-workers and supervisors feel better being around you, and you may well end up reaping rewards by laughing more in the workplace. But you need to know how to apply humour in your work environment.

Laughing has been proven to be a huge stress reliever, letting you feel better and becoming more productive. To be able to loosen up and have some fun is great, so why not take that approach to work each day and lighten up around the work place? Smiling can make your job easier, more than ever if you work in customer service or sales. But there's certainly a right and incorrect way to use humour in the workplace.

One of the main rules with humour in the workplace is to avoid controversy when you are joking on the job. Stay well away from joking about political affairs, race and religion.

Sex is another unsafe topic because of sexual harassment in the workplace. Make sure that you stay well within the lines of decency.

Never make fun at other people within your organization, as you are trying to win friends with the people you work with, and not set against them. If you can't help yourself, please be extremely careful.

Poking fun at the work you do or the industry you work in is a good way to earn some smiles from your co-workers and supervisors. While these types of workplace jokes may not be so funny at home or with friends, as they really don't appreciate the pressures of your employment, the people who are around you in your job will definitely appreciate the humour about their frustrations and will be able to laugh over the situations instead of complaining.

Making jokes about the ups and downs of your trade is a safe way to add wit to the place of work. You will have the benefit of knowing precisely what your co-workers have to face each and every day, and it's much better as it helps to let go of tensions and lower stress levels by getting them to chuckle about the situations they come across frequently.

The very best time for some humour is when you are not working, but still in the region of the people you work with, such as a coffee or lunch break. You can also make an effort to be funny on the job, but when you are working, it's a good idea to use jokes much more thinly than you would normally do.

In general, humour in the workplace is a superb area to flex your creative muscles and give your job a little boost.

Humour in the workplace helps stress levels to drop, and your co-workers will feel better about working with you. Start gradually, and add a few more safe jokes here and there to incite a few smiles. Everyone will feel better because of your efforts.

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Don't Read This If You Love Your Mother-in-Law

by: Allen Maynard


Just in Time for Mother's Day

If you have never wanted to play a little joke on your mother-in-law then maybe this gift guide isn't for you. On the other hand, if there has been no love lost in your relationship and you want to make your mother-in-law's life as miserable as she's made yours, here are a few ideas to satisfy that dark side and have a little fun in the process.

Complicated Universal Remote

No universal remote, that we're aware of, configures itself but some of these devices can drive people crazy. One unit that comes up below average from Retrevo's value and user sentiment ratings is the Philips SRU9600 which gets mixed reviews and costs just under $100. Some users complain about the ease-of-use on Sony RM-AX4000 which costs a little over $100. You can provide hours of frustration and misery for your mother in-law as she tries to configure or use one of the remotes.

Just About Any Wireless Router

Dump a wireless router in the lap of your mother in-law, tell her all about the joys of wireless computing and then split. Just don't answer the phone for a few days while she tries to configure the router to get it to talk to the ten pound laptop you recommended she buy. The Linksys WRVS4400N gets below average sentiment ratings along with the Netgear WNR854T. Save those phone messages too! They may provide hours of entertainment enjoyment to you and all your friends.

GPS Devices Guaranteed to Get Your Mother-in-Law Lost

Whether it's a small handheld GPS or one on the car dashboard, GPS devices are supposed to make it easy to enter destinations and then get to them. The Magellan Triton 1500 and Alpine PMD-B200 show up on the bottom of Retrevo's list for good value and ratings. So when your mother in-law complains about the GPS you bought her, just say, "I've never had any trouble using my GPS."

Cameras That Takes Blurry Pictures

Buying a digital camera that takes lousy pictures may be harder than you think. Most cameras are idiot proof and some of the better cameras with image stabilization and face technology make it downright hard to take a bad picture. So providing your mother in-law with an idiot-proof product that can make her feel like an idiot is priceless. Retrevo can recommend a couple of real bargains in the extreme low-end camera category that will most likely take a less than perfect picture. The Argus DC1512 barely has enough mega pixels to be called a camera and can be purchased for under $30 while the Micro Innovations 3120 costs even less at $10.80 and also gets low ratings.

Cheap MP3 Player

Your mother-in-law won't be the envy of her bridge club with these low-end MP3 players and they probably won't sound that great either. The Coby MP-C756 MP3 player barely has enough memory to hold a few songs and doesn't get the greatest ratings while the Nextar MA933A holds even fewer songs than the Coby and gets low marks for the display quality. One reviewer notes that the font was "too small for older eyes." Perfect!

Now Seriously Folks. . .

We all know you would never do anything like this to your poor old mother-in-law so just in case you want to get yourself or someone you love the best values in gadgets or gear, you can find reviews and manuals for all popular electronics like GPS, HDTV, Digital Cameras, Camcorders, and more on Retrevo.com

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Are Prank Calls Legal in the UK & Ireland?

by: Luke Carter


That's the question many pranksters are asking, especially given the recent rise in celebrities such as Russell Brand appearing in the media for prank calling offenses.

Information on the legality of making prank calls is very confusing, mainly because they are a collection of conflicting views. So let's clear that up...

Prank Call Myths:

* Prank calls are illegal
* You cannot prank call someone at random
* Recording a prank call is not allowed

Prank calls are perfectly legal as long as you understand the specific boundaries in place and why they are there. The regulations are very simple, but require you do not act in breach of them as you can be reported for various different violations.

What's Not Allowed:

* Making threats and saying abusive things
* Recording a prank call containing personal information and making it public without the consent of the person involved as this violates their data protection rights
* Impersonating a person of legal authority, for example a police officer
* Prank calls made to emergency services with false information
* Repeat calls to the same person may be grounds for malicious calling as it may cause distress

In short, prank calls are legal as long as you stick to the basic rules above. Usually the best prank calls consist of winding up someone in order to cause humiliation.

These sort of pranks are a lot more satisfying when played on someone you know, as you will be able to hear their reactions and make fun of them for a long time to come!

As a telecom provider of prank call services, we are governed by strict laws regarding the content of our prank calls, so we can guarantee that you can have the most fun with the most peace of mind. 

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